Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year!

Hello there, blogging world! Sorry it's been such a long time since my last post but it's been so busy!

As I reflect on the past year, my babies and I have been through so much - and have so much to be thankful for.

In January I was still having this internal battle about whether or not I had made the right choice in leaving my children's SD. It didn't take long to come to the conclusion that I had. Even so, it was heart wrenching. Just because he treated us poorly didn't mean I had no emotional investment - it was still very hard to leave.

By February, my mom and I were ready to kill each other and the job hunt had been unsuccessful. I was going to pull my hair out. But God is always watching out for me and the restaurant I had worked at in high school needed help and they called me - and just like that I had a steady job. We celebrated Nathan's first and Luke's second birthday and it was a little bit tense with both sides of family there, but my kids had a good time and there was cake!

March. I was still putting my applications in everywhere I could think of. I was filing for child support and starting to get divorce papers in order. Working at the restaurant was my lifesaver - I took comfort in the mundane tasks that I was confident in doing and had enough money to pay my phone bill and have gas money.

April and May brought good news and bad. I was selected to go through the 3 month interview process to be a 911 dispatcher. I was so relieved to have this prospective job! On the other hand, I had gone to court for child support and SD was ordered pay me, but he refused. So I had to go back and get the court to take it out of his paycheck.  I spoke with a lawyer about the divorce papers and she walked me through the process - it seemed easy enough until we got to the custody part. I still have not come up with a custody arrangement that I am comfortable with.

June. June brought so much excitement and anxiety all at the same time. I started training to be a 911 dispatcher, but I had to find care for my children as my mom started working as well. It was a day to day battle to find someone reliable and trustworthy as I couldn't afford daycare. I was working 12 hour night shifts and finding little time to sleep. It was hard, but fortunately I'm stubborn and I took on the challenge.

July, August, and September are a blur. I found a reliable babysitter in the same town where I work. She is fantastic and my kids love being at her house. Score one for Mommy! I looked and looked and looked for a place to rent but so far had turned up nothing I felt safe having my kids live in. By this point, my mom was ready to kick me out because there are some things we just don't see eye-to-eye on.

In October I found a wonderful apartment with a fenced yard and a garage that is only five minutes from my sitter and about 5 minutes from work. Yippee! We moved in at the first of November. But meanwhile on the job front, I was ready to quit! The training is so disorganized and what is expected of the trainers would make anyone grouchy! Some days I really had to talk myself into going to work because the mental strain was almost more than I could handle - but still I pressed on.

December brought family and thankfulness. This year has been rough, but I am so much stronger for it. I was able to provide my babies with a great Christmas all by myself and I was making my way in a few short months where in two years of marriage, I had not been able to. I have proven to myself that if I just keep at it, I can accomplish whatever I put my mind to and it is liberating!

Looking back, the year doesn't seem so long and all those things I thought I might not make it through? Well, I made it. Happy New Year!

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